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Deviant for 4 Years
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 I’ve slept with you for the thousand time last night, today you ask me for brunch.
 We did that yesterday.
 You ask me to meet sometimes -I’ve been meeting you and dating you for five years and I’m carrying your name for eight years now.
 You say my eyes look pretty. -Both our children have them.
 You say you enjoy our conversations the most, you want to know me better. -I’ve already spoke to You so much, there’s nothing left to say.
 You say You are lonely and You are looking for someone special. -You’ve been that someone to me for so many years.
 -Do You smoke? (You asked). –I still do, still chain smoking (I responded).
 -Do You drink? What do You do for fun? (You wondered). –I had fun with You, but now it’s time to go back between the three white and one black walls. (quickly replied).
 -Will you be on later to talk again? (You kept pushing). -I’m sorry, this online thing is tough to manage, I got work to do, I’ll write for sure when I can, the firs thing I’m gonna do. (said randomly)
-I didn’t... Never again.

Elena Banchotovska

 Never to be looked for. Never to be found.
 You live in a box of your own beliefs,
the stiffness is unbearable.
 Your own realizations are silenced by the stigmas, your perception is what you’ve been taught.
 How to live,
for you,
is long forgotten.
 This is your reality now.
 You wouldn’t know when you’ve felt something other than the usual.
 You’ve lost the will,
the openness since you’ve been a child.
 You’re in other’s hands now You’re not even your own. Your mind even works as it has been trained, and it’s drained. Oh it is so drained.
 You dream about life, about love, yet You got no idea what those are. How do they feel, is there something real, is the reality real… or is it all just a cliché for late night lullabies.
 But have You asked yourself: -Is there anything inside You to really give out somehow?
 -Is there anything left for You, to be new for You, to feel different and strange.
 -What is your box my dear friend? -What is it made out of? -What did You build it with?
 -And if you knew, would you even tell someone if you did, about the concrete that won’t break? And all the colors of the paint you used to color it so it’d look prettier.
 Clean it, wash it, make the dust, the dirt come off. You know how to make it look good. Cover the smell of spray paint with sweet light perfume. You know how to mask the imperfections, the flawed, scratched ones.
 -But would You open it? -Would You dare to be seen, to be heard outside of it?
 -What is your box my dear friend? -What does it mean to you, what did you make it out of?
 -Make it your power, I did that with mine.  

Elena Banchotovska

 What do you tell someone that you want to comfort the most?
 You struggle and got out your ways long ago, but someone has seen the end times and times before.
 What do you do when it’s time to cry, but someone dried their tears and  their heart is as if it’s made out of stone.
 What do you think when you have time to spend and someone is laughing and jumping but you see all the scars.
 You know they are old, but hurt the same as if they were marked yesterday.
 What do you think it looks like going on the other side of the line you shouldn’t cross, then going backwards and forwards and backwards again and again…
 What do you think walking is? -Yet someone is spinning round and round?
 What do you think a dot is? -A beginning of a line? -An end of a text? -Yet someone floats in it’s whole universe.
 It’s the same,
 To someone it’s the same egg they eat for breakfast in the early morning hours with a cold cup of coffee on the side and a burning cigarette.
 By themselves. In the quiet. And that’s enough.

Elena Banchotovska

 Have you ever felt the nothingness in your presence?
 That one, more aware blink that your eye triggers to come into the moment, and you feel it here, it’s close,
 You’re breathing it.
 You can feel the moment it arrives. Your skin crumbles and your breath starts racing out of nothing.
 But you know it. You’ve seen it’s faceless presence over and over again.
 And you know it, it keeps visiting you.
 And it knows you know it.
 It knows how it makes you feel, when you wonder late at night, it makes the asphalt shake your knees from down below.
 You’ve seen it’s shapeless shape in the distances many times before. In the emptiness of the horizon, the ruined bricks on an old abandoned building. Even in the empty windows, curtains of pouring raindrops.
 And it makes you shiver suddenly. You’ve came to learn it’s its way of saying “hello”.
 And when it passes, you know.
 You know it because it’s the oldest presence since you can remember. It has been with you since your first space of air you’ve ever been in.
 And you know it’s there.
 The nothingness.  
 Your oldest friend, the one who keeps appearing when you just wonder and then leaves you wondering in the chilling wind on the crossroad.
 The light turned green.

Elena Banchotovska


Bancotovska's Profile Picture
Artist | Professional | Varied
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~For my Photo-Manipulations I often use Stock Photos~

Favourite genre of music: good music
Favourite style of art: decomposing stuff
Operating System: Windows 7, anything else art expressible
Favourite cartoon character: le piaf
Personal Quote: - back in high school, i used to say: the best way of learning is to stare at the book and wonder what's in it... i wasn't far from the truth.

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N1chtF1ng3rs Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the watch :D
Bancotovska Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Professional General Artist
yeah, you too :D
ArsGem Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you too! Heart 
I like your universe. Meow :3 
naitmarr Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for the watch :DDDD
Bancotovska Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Professional General Artist
you too :D
dimitryart Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
thanks for the watch Hug
Bancotovska Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014  Professional General Artist
yup :D
dimitryart Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
thanks for joining the :icondeadstickmansociety: ;)
Bancotovska Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014  Professional General Artist
thanks for having me :)
gamesluis02 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2014  Student General Artist
thanks for the llama
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